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Saturday, May 22, 2010

reminder to self.

i don't want time to go forward.
neither do i want time to stay as it is.
can i edit it like a video?

i am simply. just, screwed up. that is.
hello? can some dominant clear headed side of me take charge?
i don't want to be some nut case any much longer.
i have no direction.
are the skeptics right?
or wait, i just don't really want to live here in this country anymore.
i feel less patriotic than ever.
but this is an unjust feeling that i am getting that motion.
cause i use to be one who is on the other side of the boat.
not blaming anyone, but myself.

options now,
many options.
what do i really want to study
to what do i really want to do.
differs so much.
i am one living irony.

telling myself so many times that nothing is that complicated.
look over it,
and you will see some bigger picture.
things happen for a reason.
things can only get better.
it is not that bad.
i need more optimism.

the thing is,
i am just too greedy, (stemming form insecurities?)
honestly speaking, i am not content on just being average, but i am not doing much to become extraordinary.
in fact, i am,
yes, the word is procrastinating.
many big plans.
impossibility.
probability.
feasibility.
check?

i need the drive and courage as well.

the thing is, i always cover these feelings up so that i can forget them,
and they are still a lurking problem.
(invisible) time is running out,

you are not alone,
but you do not want to be one of them.

questions. i need answers.
affirmation? confirmation.

what the heck am i doing.